If you die in college, do you die in real life?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
