shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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