i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
MIDGETS
????
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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