We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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