Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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