I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Little spoons don't ask big questions
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
