do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
