I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
