You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
