That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Welp...herpes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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