I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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