I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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