What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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