They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
