9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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