I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
