I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
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i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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