But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
