You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize