the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
