More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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