I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize