Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
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No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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