Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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