I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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