i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
