They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
