So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
