When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
