Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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