My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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