I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
