Don't make out with my wife yet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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