he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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