I accidentally had phone sex last night
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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