Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
