my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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