I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
