At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
