you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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