Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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