What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
