I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
