My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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