Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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