So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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