I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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