i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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