would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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