all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
