...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
