I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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