nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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