just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
