You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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