I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
