I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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