Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
