I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
