so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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