you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
