You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
