every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
