He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
