i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
