Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
