Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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