A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
