I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
