I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
