I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
