How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
