Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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