i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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