every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
