Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need to calm my uterus...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
