Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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